Have you ever caught yourself thinking:
“If I’m not achieving, then I’m not worthy.”
“If I’m not liked, then I’m not lovable.”
“If I make a mistake, people will lose respect for me.”
These thoughts hit hard because they’re familiar to so many people—especially people who struggle with self criticism.
When your worth is tied to performance, approval, or how “put together” you look, it becomes a quiet prison. A life built on proving instead of being. Trying instead of resting. Surviving instead of feeling safe.
This is exactly what we explore in self criticism therapy, where the goal isn’t to “fix” you—it’s to help you understand why you learned to tie your worth to perfection in the first place.
If this hits home, you may relate to what we explore in self criticism therapy in Canada.
The Hidden Cost of Chasing “Good Enough”
Striving isn’t the problem.
The problem is when your entire identity becomes wrapped around:
how much you accomplish
how perfectly you manage everything
how little you inconvenience others
This is also one of the 8 Subtle Signs You’re Struggling With Self Criticism, where achievement slowly becomes survival.
But perfectionism rarely exists on its own. It often overlaps with the patterns described in Why You Can’t Just Calm Down, especially when the nervous system is constantly on high alert and rest doesn’t feel safe.
On the outside, you’re reliable. Caring. Driven.
On the inside, it feels like you’re constantly one misstep away from losing your worth.
Why We Learn to Tie Worth to Performance
This pattern almost always starts early.
Maybe you:
got praise only when you did well
were expected to keep the peace
learned emotions “made things worse”
felt loved only when you were easy, quiet, helpful
were taught your needs were “too much”
Your brain formed a survival rule:
“If I’m perfect, I’m safe.”
This is also a common theme in anxiety therapy, where fear and perfection work hand-in-hand—and where many people describe the same emotional dynamics explained in Why Emotional Reactivity Isn’t “Too Sensitive”.
What Happens Emotionally When You Aren’t “Perfect”
When you can't keep up with perfectionism, it usually feels like:
shame
anxiety
spiralling self criticism
emotional overwhelm
guilt for resting
fear of disappointing people
This kind of emotional overwhelm is exactly what happens when your nervous system has been operating in survival mode for too long.
If you’ve ever replayed moments in your head or analyzed conversations for hours, you may relate to the insights in Why You Replay Conversations In Your Head For Hours.
You’re not failing. You’re exhausted.
How Perfectionism Therapy Helps You Heal From the Inside Out
In perfectionism therapy, you don’t have to impress anyone.
You don’t have to be polished or productive.
You don’t have to hold everything together.
You get to be human.
Here’s what that looks like:
Understanding Where Conditional Worth Began
You learn where the pressure started—not to blame the past but to break the pattern.
Softening the Inner Critic
You learn how to work with the voice that punishes you for being imperfect.
Releasing Shame and Fear
You finally have a place to unpack what you’ve been carrying alone.
Building Internal Validation
Slowly, you stop chasing external reassurance because you start trusting yourself.
Creating a New Story of Worth
You move from: “I’m only enough when…” to “I’m enough even when…”
Even when you rest.
Even when someone is disappointed.
Even when you slow down and breathe.
A More Grounded Way Forward
Perfectionism is not who you are—it’s what you learned in order to feel safe.
And you can unlearn it.
With patience, support, and the right space, you can build a relationship with yourself that feels grounded, compassionate, and steady—even on the days you’re not at your best.
Whether you are here in Ontario or somewhere else in the country, our Canada wide virtual therapy makes it easier to get support. We also offer affordable therapy in Canada, so the cost is not another reason to stay silent.
If this feels familiar, you don’t have to carry it alone.
You can book a free 20 minute consultation or your first session when you’re ready.
You deserve support that helps you feel worthy—without having to earn it.
