Self-criticism doesn’t always sound like “I hate myself.”
Sometimes it whispers: “That was embarrassing.” “You should’ve done better.” “Why are you like this?”
It hides in the way you move through your day, second-guessing, apologizing, feeling like you always need to be doing more. You might not even call it self-criticism. You might just think this is how life has to feel.
But it doesn’t.
In this post, we’ll walk through 8 subtle signs of self-criticism, what’s really going on underneath each one, and how therapy can help you unlearn the patterns that keep you stuck.
Overthinking Every Conversation
You replay what you said on a loop.“Did I come across the wrong way?” “Why did I say that?” “Did I talk too much… or not enough?”
Overthinking isn’t just anxiety. It’s a sign that you’re scanning for mistakes, trying to make sure you didn’t mess up or upset anyone. It’s how self-criticism keeps you on high alert.
In therapy: You’ll learn to notice when your inner critic is hijacking your thoughts and practice responding with curiosity instead of shame. It’s not about overanalyzing everything. It’s about finally feeling safe enough to stop.
Apologizing When You’ve Done Nothing Wrong
You say “sorry” when someone else bumps into you.You apologize for having an opinion, for needing support, for existing.
This isn’t about politeness. It’s about feeling like your presence is a problem.
Where it comes from: If you grew up learning that your needs were too much or that harmony was more important than honesty, apologizing becomes a survival strategy.
How therapy helps: You’ll unpack where this pattern came from and begin to take up space without guilt. You’re allowed to have needs. You’re allowed to be human.
Avoiding Compliments
Someone says something kind, and you deflect. “You’re just being nice.” “It wasn’t a big deal.” “You don’t really mean that.”
You might even crave validation but still feel uncomfortable when it’s given.
Why it happens: Self-criticism teaches you that accepting praise is dangerous. That it’ll make you arrogant or unprepared for failure.
Therapy shifts this by: Helping you build the muscle to receive without rejecting. You’ll start to recognize your strengths in a grounded, truthful way.Someone says something kind, and you deflect.“You’re just being nice.” “It wasn’t a big deal.” “You don’t really mean that.”
Feeling Guilty for Taking Breaks
You feel bad for resting. You keep pushing even when you’re exhausted.If you’re not being productive, you feel anxious.
Underneath the guilt: is a belief that rest has to be earned. That your value is tied to output. That if you stop, everything will fall apart.
What changes in therapy: You learn how to step off the hamster wheel. You don’t need to deserve rest. You’re allowed to slow down without shame. You feel bad for resting. You keep pushing even when you’re exhausted. If you’re not being productive, you feel anxious.
Replaying Past Mistakes on a Loop
You can’t stop thinking about what you said last week. Or that thing you did last year. Or how you should’ve known better.
This isn’t about reflection. It’s rumination. And it’s driven by the belief that if you punish yourself enough, you won’t mess up again.
Therapy helps you: Break the shame loop. You’ll learn how to meet past-you with compassion, not criticism, and finally feel like you can move forward. This isn’t about reflection. It’s rumination. And it’s driven by the belief that if you punish yourself enough, you won’t mess up again.
Constantly Comparing Yourself
You scroll and suddenly feel worse about everything. Everyone else seems more successful, more confident, more together.
The truth? Comparison is often a symptom of unstable self-worth. If you’re only okay when you’re ahead, you’ll always feel like you’re behind.
What therapy does: It helps you stop measuring yourself by everyone else’s progress. You’ll build a sense of self that feels stable and solid, even when someone else shines.
Seeking Reassurance but Not Believing It
You ask, “Do you think I messed that up?” They say, “No, you were great.” But it doesn’t stick.
Why it happens: Self-criticism already decided you failed and is looking for evidence to confirm it. Even the kindest reassurance can’t land when you don’t trust yourself.
In therapy: You get curious about the part of you that doubts. You learn to build self-trust from the inside out so you’re no longer chasing validation that can’t hold.
Therapists can guide you in building self-trust and recognizing the validity of support from others. Over time, you can learn to accept compliments without negating them.
Feeling Like You Have to Earn Your Worth
You keep striving. Keep performing. Keep proving.
And even when you get it right, the goalpost moves.
Because when worth feels like something you have to earn, peace is always out of reach.
This is where therapy can be life-changing. You’ll learn that your value isn’t conditional. You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. You don’t have to keep fixing yourself to deserve calm, connection, or rest.
This Doesn’t Have to Be Your Normal
If these signs feel familiar, you’re not alone. You’re not failing. You’re not overreacting. You’ve learned to move through the world by pushing yourself harder and harder, and it’s exhausting.
But it’s possible to do things differently. You can start showing up for yourself without shame, fear, or guilt. Acknowledging your struggle is the first step toward healing.
Therapy for Self-Criticism
At Today Tomorrow Yesterday Therapy, we specialize in helping adults unlearn self-criticism, perfectionism, and emotional burnout. We offer virtual therapy across Canada, with a team of real, down-to-earth therapists who understand what it’s like to never feel like you’re enough and who know how to help.
You don’t need to be more or better. You just need a place to feel safe enough to be who you are.
Learn more about our approach for self-criticism.
Book a Free 20-Minute Consultation
These patterns were learned. And they can be unlearned.
Let’s work together to shift what no longer serves you.
